Rainbow Baby

"A rainbow baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravage of the storm.  When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with the aftermath.  What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds."
(I searched but couldn't find who said this.)

The months after my miscarriage were some of the hardest times of my life.  Some days were easier than others and sometimes I would go many days without shedding a single tear. Then out of nowhere, sorrow would hit like a tsunami and I'd be dragged under the waves of grief again.  My children and my husband were so wonderful and loving and slowly but surely, I was able to drag myself out again and again.

In November, we discovered that I was pregnant again.  Those little pink lines, which had always been such a welcome sight in the past, brought a whole new set of emotions: more grief, guilt, panic.  Thankfully, those eventually gave way to joy and excitement.

And so we began to prepare for the arrival of the newest member of our family.

My pregnancy was fairly straight forward, with only a few hospital trips for IV fluids.  The nearly constant nausea and vomiting are something I've struggled with during every pregnancy and I'd like to say I'm almost used to it now!

Finally, two days after my 26th birthday, our baby girl arrived.

Ruby Norah Grace.

Rainbow baby indeed!  

She certainly is beautiful and full of light.  She was born into daddy's arms on our bathroom floor after only 55 minutes of labour.  She was the sweetest little baby and the tiniest of our four, though still with the familiar chubby cheeks and big, blue eyes.

She's now 10 months old and an absolute delight.  She has such a wonderful mix of everyone's personalities.  She has Brooklynn's sweet disposition, Weston's curiosity, Amelia's laugh and daddy's relaxed temperament.  She loves to ride on my back in the wrap and watch her siblings play.  She loves painting with food but isn't all that fond of eating it.  She smiles almost constantly and laughs at everything.  She is the perfect addition to our family.

I have not, nor will I ever forget the baby we lost.  I think of her often and still have moments of great sadness.  But the beauty and light that Ruby brought during that time of darkness was the greatest gift I could ever ask for.

I am so thankful.